Family: Frame of reference

Maulana Wahiduddin Khan I Times of India I April 5,  2011 | Page 15

Our life is full of connections. Through them we understand the negative and positive aspects of life. So we have to be circumspect about availing of the opportunities afforded by the natural connections or relationships which are formed in the course of our existence.

For example, you family is your first frame of reference. You spend your days and nights with them. You share experiences with them, sweet and bitter. In this sense, your family is the most important part of your social environment.

You should avail of every kind of lesson that you receive from your family. If you find that certain happenings in your family are undesirable, you have to show understanding. You have to appreciate that if even your family is not the ideal one, it is still family. For you are going to find life very difficult outside the family when you enter the outside world and encounter all kinds of unpleasant situations.

Accept that unpleasant experiences are a part of life and that there is no escaping from them. Your family is not just your family: it is also a source of training for you. In this sense, your family is springboard for your future. Your school is a source of formal education for you and your family is a source of informal education. And both are equally important.

For example, if you receive a negative experience from a member of your family, take it as a first training lesson which is very necessary, because you are destined one day to go out of your home and live in society. And every day in society you will receive the same kind of negative experience. Try to accept and tolerate negative experiences in family life, so that you will be able to live and adjust in society. In this sense, your family is a blessing for you. The family sends you out into society as a prepared person or a mature person.

Everyone knows that formal education is very important for the future. Without a good formal education, it is not possible to get a good job. But in terms of one's all-round existence, education is not the be-all and end-all of everything. For a better quality of life you need something more and that is informal education.

For everyone, the family is the centre of informal education. To gain admission into this institution, you don't need to pay any kind of admission fee. It is destined by nature and by birth - a fact of which everyone is well aware. You should therefore make certain to avail of whatever your family offers you in terms of informal education. As a unit, the family is like a miniature society. It is training ground to enable you to face the big world outside. One who fails to live a good life in his family will fail to live a good life in society.

For example, adjustment, a principle of life is what makes all social life run smoothly. If you enter social life without first having learned to make adjustments within the framework of the family, you will have only two options: either learn to make immediate adjustments - not an easy matter - or be hypocritical and then live in a state of severe tension at all times.